There is no single way to react to a loss, we all grieve in our individual ways.
If you feel that you are struggling with your grief, then here are 10 top tips to help you deal with grief and loss, developed by Consultant Clinical Psychologist and stem4 Founder Dr. Nihara Krause.
10 tips to help deal with grief and loss
1. Let yourself feel
This may take time, but emotions need to be expressed, however intense they may be. Unfortunately, the sadness of loss doesn’t go away if you ignore it.
2. Be ready to be reminded of the loss
Anniversaries, birthdays, a particular place, a perfume—these are just some examples of (un)expected unexpected triggers that may remind you of the person. Share your feelings with someone when they surface.
3. Consider any guilt you’re feeling
Ask yourself if the guilt you are feeling is rational or irrational. Guilt is a heavy burden that often accompanies grief. If it is rational, find a way to accept the wrong you have done and to forgive yourself. Most times, guilt when grieving is irrational. If it is irrational, admit it and let it go.
4. Express yourself
Sometimes it is helpful to write down how you feel so that you can place your thoughts and emotions.
5. Talk to someone you trust
If you can talk about how you feel, then think of sharing it with a friend, family member, or counsellor. Some people find the support of shared grief very helpful, whether it is talking with a person who has experienced grief or by reading about grief in poetry or in books.
Why not start by reading our Asking for Help booklet for advice on how to reach out or looking through our list of charities and helplines on our Further Advice page.
6. Understand that it’s okay for pain to fade
A reduction in the pain you feel doesn’t mean you are being disloyal or forgetting the person you have lost. People we have lost remain a part of us—our history, memories, who we are. Just because we think of them less, doesn’t mean they are less important.
7. Do something to remember them
Doing something to remember the person you have lost can be healing. Whether you plant something in their memory, run a charitable event in their memory, or light a candle, these small actions can help you honour the memory of that person.
8. Seek the company of good listeners
Remember that not everyone feels comfortable around loss. Try not to personalise the rejection you may feel from someone who was close to you but has distanced themselves since the loss.
9. Remember that everyone grieves differently
Finally, keep in mind that grief doesn’t always move in the stages that it’s ‘meant’ to. Feel when you do, rather than when you think you are meant to, and be kind to yourself.
10. Support someone with the free Combined Minds app
Combined Minds is an app developed for teenage mental health charity stem4 by Dr. Nihara Krause, Consultant Clinical Psychologist, to help families and friends support young people with their mental health.
When a child or young person is experiencing mental ill health or has a diagnosed mental health condition (whether as a result of grief or not), families and friends want to support them in the best way but also know when to step back. Combined Minds uses a ‘Strengths-Based’ Approach which has been shown to be effective in recovery. This approach focuses on the positive attributes of the person and builds on resourcefulness and resilience.
The app uses the analogy of a climber. ‘A shared harness can balance or protect a climber and help catch them when they fall. Keep on partnering so they can climb tall.’
Combined Minds helps families and friends find ways to create the right environment to help the individuals they support affect their own change. As important influencers in the lives of young people, this provides a positive impact on their mental health. And a ‘Strengths-Based’ Approach works both ways, also helping families and friends to search for their own strengths.
Download the Combined Minds app for FREE on the App Store or Google Play.
