Depression

For friends

Friends are often the first to notice or to know that someone is struggling with a problem. A person who is worried about their changes in moods, thoughts or behaviours will often confide in a friend. A friend may, therefore, act as a support in helping someone confront the issue.

You may…

  • Worry about asking your friend if there is a problem in case it affects the friendship
  • Worry that you are over-reacting or hope that it is a ‘passing phase’
  • Feel hurt or angry that your friend is behaving in this way
  • Feel ‘left out’ due to the secrecy of the condition (the condition can often be a ‘competitor’)
  • Not know if you’ve got it right or how best to act in the circumstances
  • Feel insecure about the concerns it raises about yourself, whether it’s about you as a friend or about how you feel about yourself
  • Feel bad at going to social occasions on your own when it used to be the two of you

Identification facts

  • Your friend may be quiet, sad and withdrawn most of the time when they weren’t like that before
  • Your friend may have a very negative outlook when they were pretty positive before
  • Your friend may look really tired because they have difficulty sleeping and say that they have lost their appetite
  • Your friend may have started to neglect themselves – for example, they may not care about how they look when they took a lot of trouble before, or they may carry out some risky behaviour which could harm them
  • Your friend may react to things really quickly and sensitively, for example, become tearful very easily or angry or irritated when they weren’t like that before

Four stages bringing about change

TALK

  • Talk to your friend – listen but don’t criticise

  • Tell your friend you are worried about them and encourage them to speak to someone responsible. This could be a teacher you can approach, a parent, a peer counsellor or a school counsellor
  • If your school has links with stem4, we will be working with your school to establish an identified person/people you can approach

  • Offer to support her or him by finding useful information about depression (stem4 website); accompanying them to see someone who can help (named peer counsellor at school, school nurse, school counsellor, sibling, parents, parents of another friend, GP, practice nurse)

  • If dealing with your friend who is depressed lowers your mood, take steps to talk to someone too

Visit our Further Advice page for details of other organisations that can help.

How to help

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