Eating disorders

For friends

Friends are often the first to notice or to know that someone is struggling with a problem. A person who is worried about their changes in moods, thoughts or behaviours will often confide in a friend. A friend may, therefore, act as support in helping someone confront the issue.

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The difficulty in being a friend

You may…

  • Worry about asking your friend if there is a problem in case it affects the friendship
  • Worry that you are overreacting or hope that it is a ‘passing phase’
  • Feel hurt or angry that your friend is behaving in this way
  • Feel ‘left out’ due to the secrecy of the condition (the condition can often be a ‘competitor’)
  • Not know if you’ve got it right or how best to act in the circumstances
  • Feel insecure about the concerns it raises about yourself, whether it’s about you as a friend or about how you feel about yourself
  • Feel bad at going to social occasions on your own when it used to be the two of you
  • Find it difficult to eat when they are not

Four identification facts

  1. Your friend has changed their eating pattern significantly. They either don’t eat or overeat.
  2. Your friend’s weight has changed so that they look really thin, overweight or their weight fluctuates.
  3. Your friend doesn’t join when you eat out or at any functions but they may take a huge interest in food and often insist on cooking for others.
  4. Your friend has told you that they make themselves sick or you know that they do loads of exercise specifically to burn up what they eat.

Four steps of bringing about change

TALK TO YOUR FRIEND

  • Talk to your friend – listen but don’t criticise. Don’t mention weight or eating to start with but do mention your concern
  • Don’t be surprised or offended if they are not willing to listen to you. Leave some time for the words to sink in and then think about approaching them again

  • Tell your friend you are worried about them and encourage them to speak to someone responsible. This could be a teacher you can approach, a parent, a peer counsellor or a school counsellor
  • Make sure that the person you choose to approach is appropriate and can deal with the problems your friend has
  • If your school has links with stem4, we will be working with your school to establish an identified person/people you can approach

  • Offer to support them by finding useful information about their condition (stem4 website), accompanying them to see someone who can help (named peer counsellor at school, school nurse, school counsellor, sibling, parents, parents of another friend, GP, practice nurse, etc.)
  • But don’t feel too responsible – supporting a friend is difficult, and it affects our emotional well-being which is nothing to be ashamed of. Only help where you can, it’s not your responsibility to ‘treat’ your friend, and it’s very difficult to change someone

  • Make sure you take breaks from looking after others, so you can take your mind off things and relax
  • Look after yourself – take steps to talk to someone too

Why not try our free Combined Minds app?

This clinician-developed app, designed to help families and friends support young people with their mental health, has a section dedicated to supporting a young person with an eating disorder. It can be downloaded free from the App Store or Google Play. Find out more at https://combinedminds.stem4.org.uk.

Visit our Further Advice page for details of other organisations that can help.

How to help

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