Staying safe when online dating

According to the Pew Research Centre, around half of people under the age of 30 (53%) report having ever used a dating site or app.

If the love of your life is just one swipe away, what are the green, amber and red flags you should be looking for? (Tips for over 18 year olds)

Green Flags

• Listen to your instincts, if something doesn’t feel right. There is no better love than respecting yourself.
• Triple check your privacy – don’t reveal too much personal information such as your college or address.
• Use a different photograph on your dating profile so that your personal accounts can’t be tracked.
• Don’t share any geolocation information since people can track where you are.

Amber Flags

• The person’s profile is complete and verified! You want to know that you are chatting to a real person. Keep in mind that apps that have a verified feature aren’t always accurate.
• Your match seems consistently fun and easy to talk to.
• You have shared values that are important to you; such as having religious or political values that align with your own.
• You have shared interests- this gives you lots to chat about when you do meet up.

Red Flags

• Someone who’s dating goals don’t align with your own- if you know you want to be in a relationship but someone’s profile says they are just interested in something casual, swipe on- find someone who is looking for a similar thing.
• ‘Love bombing’ – being promised the world may seem nice but the reality is that a connection should be built over time, so look out for someone who seems to be offering too much too prematurely.
• ‘Breadcrumbing’ – if someone expresses interest in you periodically and is not consistent with their communication then it is likely that they are better to avoid.
• Be wise to ‘catfishing’ by checking your match’s name and social media handle if available.
• Lists a lot of things they DON’T like- if they list a lot of expectations they have in a relationship and these feel more like rules than preferences.
• Any incorrect information- i.e. if someone says their age is wrong and they don’t know how to change it.
• Any message that makes you feel uncomfortable (such as being asked to send images) – block and report these users.
• Avoid any scams such as being asked for money.

Dating online can be fun and provides a way for you to connect with people that you would not otherwise meet. However, the abundance of apps and the premise of swiping based on physical attraction can have a cumulative negative impact on your mental health.

1. If you are feeling exhausted by swiping or dating give yourself a break! You can remove the app for a month and return to it when you are feeling ready to try again
2. Limit how many people you speak to a week. One piece of advice for avoiding swiping fatigue is to set a limit for yourself of the number of people you would like to match with and message. This way you can focus your time on these people and not feel overwhelmed by messaging.
3. Remember that people are forming a judgement without actually knowing you– their opinion of you is not a reflection of who you actually are and so if anyone says anything hurtful or unkind, block them and try and not let their words impact you.
4. It is not always the right time in your life to date. Everyone goes through different periods of time in which dating can be prioritised and other times when it is better to focus on yourself and your own wellbeing. It is difficult to get into a secure and healthy relationship if you are struggling to first love yourself. Be kind to yourself, invest in that relationship first and then try and find someone who can appreciate you for the wonderful person you are!

Media Literacy and Mental Health training

If you work with young people and want to learn more about how to speak to them about their online lives, complete stem4’s Media Literacy  & Mental Health Training. Complete the entire CPD accredited training today on demand sign-up HERE. This training will be offered for free until March 2024.

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I/We have completed @stem4org ‘s Media Literacy and Mental Health training. I/We are looking forward to using the knowledge and tools gained in this training to help promote positive mental health in young media in a digital age. This training is free until March 2024, you can complete it on demand at https://training.stem4.org.uk/. 

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