Every year, the 1st March marks self-harm awareness day. Self-harm is when someone hurts themselves in order to express, deal with or communicate difficult emotions. Though self-harm is not a new phenomenon, recent research shows it appears to be growing among young people. However, talking openly about difficult emotions, and self-harm in particular, can feel extremely challenging for all involved.
To help ease the process, stem4’s resident expert Dr Krause has put together some advice – for both young people and parents/carers alike – on how to discuss the topic of self-harm in the family.
For Young People: How to Talk about Self-harm to a Parent or Trusted Adult
- Whether you have started self-harming, or whether you are afraid you may start, talking to a trusted adult is a big first step to change.
- Choose someone you know will make time for you, and listen to your feelings.
- You don’t have to tell them about self-harm straight away. Instead, you could start off by telling them how you have been feeling. Talk about your emotions – have you been down, unhappy, stressed?
- See how they respond to you talking about your feelings. In order to speak about self-harm, you should feel safe with your trusted adult. Otherwise, speak to another trusted adult who listens instead.
- Once you have brought up the topic of self-harm, try and involve your trusted adult in helping you make a change – for example, finding out about help, or discussing things they can do with you at difficult times.
- Remember, just as hard as it might be for you to talk about this topic, some people also find things hard to listen to. Find someone who will listen, and take it step by step together.
- If you feel it is hard to speak in person, you can also write a letter or note to tell them about self-harm.
- Remember: you should always get help in an emergency by dialling 999.
Download the Calm Harm app to help manage the urge to self harm: https://calmharm.co.uk/
For Parents / Carers: How to Talk About Self-Harm with your Child
- Make regular time to talk with your young person to find out what’s happening in their lives. Listen to what they have to say and pay attention to their feelings.
- If self-harm is brought up, hearing about it might make you feel shocked, upset or angry. Avoid telling your child off, or making them feel ashamed.
- Avoid asking your child why they self-harm – they often won’t know. Instead, ask how they would like you to help. Offer to look through the help available together or to get help with their wounds. Discuss what you can do to help during difficult times.
- Explore alternative, helpful ways that your child can express and manage difficult emotions. Don’t take away all sharp objects unless there are alternative coping strategies in place and it’s agreed between you.
- Draw up some safety steps, with clear plans on who to contact and what to do. Have emergency contact numbers listed clearly.
- Don’t force them to show you their self-harm. Keep your usual boundaries.
Download the Combined Minds app to help support your child with their mental health: https://combinedminds.co.uk/
You can learn more about self-harm and finding the right support here: https://stem4.org.uk/self-harm/